Ok so it seems a vast majority of the populous aren’t too keen on having nuns involved in the proposed new maternity hospital. According to our research there are just over 270 nuns living in Ireland who by their definition want to serve Gods people. So instead of allowing the saintly sisters to dwindle in Nunemployment we thought we’d come up with some other projects the nuns could run! (Warning expect several more nun puns throughout this article)
Take Over Bus Eireann:
We all know at this stage the financial trouble Bus Eireann is currently in. The company isn’t able to continue to provide services to many of the towns and villages across the country so its time to send for the nuns! Think about it; they take a vow of poverty so the savings on wages would be astronomical. By ferrying people the length and breadth of the country they are fulfilling their promise to serve all of Gods people, including those who live outside of profitable bus routes. The Lord does move in mysterious ways, so why not the Clonmel to Dublin service?
Star In Their Own Reality show: Keeping Up With The Kardashinuns
Wouldn’t we all like to know what really happens behind the closed doors of the nations convents? Is Mother Superior really that superior? Can someone really organise a nun run in a nunnery? And what happens when the vow of silence is broken, we want hear all the juicy gossip.
Interactive On-Line Confessions Service:
We’re all a bunch of sinners and we need forgiveness. Ironically most of us would be lying if we said we regularly attended confession. We just don’t have the time, plus the formalities of sitting in a dark box whilst staring at a man through a weird face grill seeking forgiveness is just a little off putting.
So on-line confession is the way forward. Simply email your sins to the nuns and they will absolve you and dole out your penance at the click of a button. An added bonus, with the vow of silence you’re guaranteed your embarrassing indiscretions will be kept between you and the man above; after all nuns the word! The only downside; unlike the workings of God access to broadband isn’t all around us.
Fitness Boot-Camp and Health Spa : Nuns To Make You Run:
Have you ever seen an overweight nun? No us either. Nuns have incredible discipline and the girls of the habit will help you kick your bad habits! Book yourself in for a stay at your local convent, there’s loads of rooms available.
The nuns will get you up for that early morning 3k pre-breakfast run, show you how to grow your own vegetables and dole out a good old canning if you even think of putting your hands in the cookie jar! With alcohol and tobacco forbidden, the nuns will help you convert from a size 16 to a size 10 in no time!
Additional classes include Punches Pilate Pilates and Confession Box Boxercise.
Donald Trump’s Press Secretary:
The nuns know a thing or two about dealing with those tricky lot in the press. Trumps current head of media communications Sean Spicer seems to bundle from one crisis to another so again its time to send for the nuns, they’re a perfect fit for the gig. They certainly know how to defend the sometimes indefensible, a prerequisite for working with Trump. Even better, when the questions get a bit too much then the old vow of silence chestnut will come in handy. Trump likes to surround himself with people who are loyal to him no matter what; the nuns have been married to God for centuries! How much more loyalty can you have.
And wouldn’t it be relaxing and somewhat calming when Trump inevitable licks off nuclear war to have women of the cloth front and centre leading us in prayer as the world slowly burns around us.
Imagine letting people who are clearly dedicated to their fate to take up the saying of mass. It would help to elevate the increasing problems of a lack of priests and shows that the Catholic Church views women as equal to men… Ok that’s a little far-fetched now isn’t it!
It’s worth remembering though no matter what the nuns do some people will always have a bit of a fear of them!
So for the nuns of the country don’t fret, if the new maternity hospital isn’t an option there is plenty of stuff our nuns can run!